Unexpectedly, the shrill ring from the telephone reverberated around the bathroom interrupting my thoughts. At the other end of the phone a voice that I never expected to hear from again. I could perceive a sense of foreboding revolving in my mind, despite this curiosity compelled me to listen.
Suddenly a cold shiver traveled down my spine , I had to fly to Afghanistan.My mission was to collect the Hansons family from the war.It was a race against time.War was already raging.
Although I was scared I knew I had to save them.They were the ‘x marks the spot’.
mrslathamsclass 
*used brilliant punctuation
*well done on adverbs
brilliant work
thank you samantha