Excitedly,I went to Families pizza hunt it’s a huge restaurant bigger then any restaurant in the world.Me and my family were eating until,I got lost my family about me so they went back home.I had to stay in Families pizza hunt ,after two years it was abandoned,it was dark,I could hear children singing when there wasn’t any.
I rapidly ran upstairs there was a skinny man in the old empty dining room “you have to get out of here or I will hunt you down,”shouted the skinny man.
I said”I can’t,”
“Fine then,”
The restaurant started to rumble, I didn’t know what to do so I ran downstairs the skinny man teleported to me and used magic to stab me with knifes! The skinny man took out the counter and threw it at me but, I dogged it and it smashed the door I ran as fast as I can I ran to a strangers house to live there
mrslathamsclass 
* good use of speech marks.
* good use of language .
EBI you read through it carefully .
*Great ideas
*Excellent suspense to hook the reader in
EBI If you altered your sentence openers, to make it better
By Dong nan
Good use of commas and punctuation well done
*good use of spelling
*good use of puntuation
EBI read your story again and make sence in your writing