Swiftly, the crows retreated from the derelict, foreboding city, squawking incoherently. Where was everyone? Why were the birds flying away? These questions ravaged my brain like mist invading a city. Ominously, the leviathanesque sky-scrapers towered above me like titans, casting sinister shadows over the alley. Fear corrupted my thoughts, clawing away at them as my muscles clamped together. I could feel a dark presence in my mind slowly overcoming my self consciousness. What was that I could feel?
I found myself in a sort of mist, memories flashing in front of my eyes then being discarded, sent into oblivion – a place beyond this life…
mrslathamsclass 
Good use of ountation and openers max well done
Sorry I ment punctuation
*good use of wow words
*good use of punctuation
EBI you added a few more words
Other than that keep up the good work
*Great use of words
*Good use of questions
EBI Try to change your first word to something else
* very good sentence struture
* brillant use of adjectives.